


yolo, yolare, yolavi, yolatus

by cm (mumblemutter)



Series: Yolare [1]
Category: Journey into Mystery, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Big Bang Challenge, F/M, Incest, M/M, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 11:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblemutter/pseuds/cm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>v. to only live once; to do something irrevocably stupid.</i> </p><p>Thor and Loki grow up, just a little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to [zelda_zee](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zelda_zee) for her thorough beta work, and to [piecrumbs](http://piecrumbs.livejournal.com) for the [lovely art](http://piecrumbs.livejournal.com/219380.html)! \o/

**The girl:**

Her name is Sif, she's on the archery team and she is, as Thor puts it, "Amazing. Attractive, too."

They're watching the archers practice. Loki knows why Thor's here, he doesn't know why he is. He shoves his earphones over his ears, his hood over his head and says, "Wake me when it's over."

"What are you listening to?"

"You wouldn't have heard of them."

Thor keeps speaking, as if Loki's not made it obvious he's got no interest in continuing their conversation, and finally he just gives up and shoves everything off his head. "Thank you," Thor says, and continues as if Loki's not glaring at him. "She doesn't like me very much."

"Someone not like you? Impossible."

They both watch Sif shoot an arrow directly into the center of the target. "I could do that," Loki says.

"With your delicate hands?"

"Better than your lumberjack ones."

"They only look big next to yours."

Loki says, "Can we go now? See, she's not even looking at you."

"Yeah, she's focused."

"That's it. Come on, let's go." He stands and pulls on Thor's shirt. "You're not going to get her with creepy, stalkery behavior."

"No, but she'll come around eventually," Thor says, with the confidence of someone who has never been rejected in his life. Which, seeing as how it's Thor, is almost certainly the case.

"Yes, but not today."

-

Loki refuses to help Thor get the girl.

"You're Thor. Surely you can seduce one little archer without the help of your brother. Besides, I have moral reservations about manipulating the feelings of others."

Thor starts laughing, and keeps on laughing until he chokes, spluttering on his own spit. When he finally manages to stop, he says, "You're serious?"

"I don't have to explain my motivations to you."

The truth is: he just doesn't want to.

Also, Sif has a bow and arrow, and from what he's heard, much like Thor, enjoys using her fists way too much.

Thor can pine if he wants to. It suits him, Loki decides.

 

**The mark:**

Darcy Lewis sits behind Loki in AP English. Cute enough, if you're into cute, which Loki certainly isn't. She's also the principal's daughter, which leaves her in a somewhat precarious social position. Loki doesn't envy her. It's almost as bad as being the Chief of Police's son. Unless of course you're Thor, in which case you're beloved no matter what.

She's friends with Loki, in the manner that most people are friends with Loki, in that she hopes that one day Loki will introduce her to Thor. For his part, Loki's friends with her in the manner that he's friends with most people, in that he hopes that someday she will prove useful.

That day, as it turns out, happens to be today. He turns around before the teacher comes in and beams brightly at her. She only blinks.

"So," Loki begins.

"What do you want now?"

"Funny you should ask."

-

"Wait, so you'll get him to go out with me?" This as Loki's walking her to her next class, which happens to be right next to his, conveniently enough. "An actual date-date, not like. I do stuff for him and he adds me to the list. I'm not - my mom would kill me."

Loki barely refrains from rolling his eyes at her. "An actual date, I promise. Besides, you know Thor's not like that."

Everyone knows Thor's not like that. Even the girls he dumps continue to adore him, and say nice things about him, and buy him random stuff and put them in his locker. Loki likes to tell himself it's because Thor's captain of the swim team and everyone is stupid, but it's basically just because it's Thor. And everyone is stupid.

"But I won't get into trouble, right?" she continues dubiously. But Loki can see her brain whirling with the possibilities. To be seen in the company of Thor -

"I'll tell you exactly what to do," Loki says. "You don't have to worry about a thing."

-

Thor waits for him after school. Loki throws his messenger bag into the back seat as he slides into the car, but he's distracted, thinking. Until he remembers, "Don't you have practice or something today?"

"Or something. No, the pool's closed. Maintenance. Come on, let's go somewhere."

"Sure." He had planned to go to the library, but that can wait. Thor's staring at him expectantly, fingers drumming on the steering wheel. "Eyes on the road, please," Loki says.

Thor turns his attention back to the road. "Home, then."

"No," Loki says decisively. "Not just yet."

 

**The very secret make-out place:**

Thor's kissing him messily, Loki in his lap with his back jammed against the steering wheel. Everything's hazy and it takes all of Loki's concentration to pull away and say, "Come on, it's just the one date."

"But she's a junior," Thor says fitfully.

"I'm sixteen," Loki reminds him. "Besides, I'm not asking you to fuck her. Just take her out the once. Show her a good time, let her down easy. She's got such a massive crush on you, it's driving me crazy."

"How do you even know this girl," Thor says. He seeks out Loki's mouth once again, but Loki avoids him deftly.

"We're friends."

"You don't have friends."

"I take offense to that," Loki says, allowing Thor to kiss the shell of his ear, his jawline. "Just the one date. I'll make it worth your while."

When Thor laughs, it's as if his entire body rumbles with it. Finally though, he says, "Just the one date, Loki. And you will make it worth my while."

 

**The date:**

"You really can't just pimp me out whenever you feel like it, you know," Thor says, Friday night.

Loki stops rummaging in the closet to pull out a shirt and toss it at him. "Considering how freely you give of yourself, it could hardly be called that."

Thor opens his mouth. Closes it again. As he pulls the shirt over his head, he says, "I won't lie to her."

"Do what you have to," Loki says. He walks over to fiddle with Thor's collar and ignores his unhappy scowl, says approvingly, "There. The color brings out your eyes."

Darcy's not the first girl who wants a date with Thor. Girls have made a habit of coming up to Loki for years, misty-eyed and softly pleading for some advice on how to catch Thor's eye.

At first, Loki would snarl and tell them that Thor had a tiny dick (he didn't) or that he was shit in bed (he wasn't), but after a while he figured, if Thor wasn't going to use his desirability and popularity for anything other than fucking around aimlessly and free beer, someone certainly should.

 

**The plan:**

Darcy actually shows up for their meeting at Loki's locker in black jeans and an equally black pullover with the hood up.

"You don't look suspicious at all," he tells her, as she glances around surreptitiously.

A kid passes by. Darcy says, "Hey, how you doing," wide eyes darting back and forth. The kid shakes his head and keeps walking on. "Just so you know," she hisses at Loki, when they're relatively alone again. "If my mom finds out she's going to kill me."

"Don't worry, she won't find out." He holds out his hand for her to hand him the thumb drive, but she passes him her lunch bag instead.

"It's inside. I didn't want anyone to see."

"Because this is so much less conspicuous than handing me a two inch piece of plastic?"

Darcy ignores him, finally pushes down the ridiculous hood. "You have no idea what I had to go through to get these. What do you need these for, anyway. You always get As. My mom keeps saying I should be more like you." She pauses. "Well mostly she says I should stay as far away from you as possible, but then sometimes she says, wistfully, that I could use some improvement. I keep telling her my grades aren't going to improve by osmosis."

"Right." Loki peers into the bag and extracts the thumb drive, ignores Darcy's panicked squeak. He slides it into his pocket and hands her back her lunch, remembers to ask, "How was the date, anyway?"

She makes a face. "It happened. I'll tell you more later, maybe. I'm late for class."

-

As plans go, this one's relatively simple:

Step 1: Acquire test papers for upcoming exams that have been sending most of the student body into a tizzy, seeing as how any test set by the principal is notoriously difficult to pass (last year, even Loki found himself floundering for a minute or so, and he never flounders).

Step 2: Offer them, in secret, through various identities that one just happens to have cultivated online, to several specific members of the student body.

Step 3: Profit.

Loki doesn't even need the money. In the end, he uses some of it to have Thor's car detailed.

"Why," Thor asks suspiciously, eyes narrowed as Loki sits on the hood with his legs swinging.

"I do have to ride in it myself. It's a piece of junk."

"Yes, but it's mine." He grabs Loki by the belt and pulls until Loki's standing. "But thank you."

 

**The discovery:**

All it takes is one blood test in school, and he's racing back home, screaming at Mom and Dad. Thor comes into the living room, clueless as usual, to Mom's quiet sobbing and Dad's stern, ashen face. "What's going on?"

Loki stomps past him, snarls, "Congratulations, you're officially the youngest child," and proceeds to barricade himself in his room for the rest of the evening.

Thor threatens to break the door down eventually, and knowing him - Loki gets up from bed, unlocks it and then flops back, throwing himself onto his belly and ignoring the weight as Thor settles himself down.

"You're still my brother," he says finally.

Loki lifts his head up, "Remarkably, this isn't about you. And I'm not."

"Don't be stupid."

"Go to hell." He lets his head settle on the pillow morosely. "It explains a lot anyway. They always loved you more."

"They do not," Thor protests loudly, looking furious at the mere thought. "Besides," he adds thoughtfully, "You're my favorite."

"Fuck off. You always liked Balder more."

"Loki," Thor says, with such honesty Loki wants to curl up and die, "Not even close."

Loki turns onto his back. "You just like my cock."

"That too."

"Child abuser." Thor's brow furrows in consternation. It's always too easy. But Loki's not in the mood to fuck with Thor's head. Mostly he just wants to be alone to brood, and contemplate his true lineage: Dad, in halting tones, talking about a child left behind from a difficult case. Which means Loki is either a child of a victim or a criminal. Possibly both. Maybe his mom was a crack whore. That would explain a fair bit.

"Oh, just go away," he tells Thor, but Thor only wraps a hesitant hand around Loki's wrist and doesn't allow Loki to pull away. "Fine, you can stay," Loki says finally, as if Thor's given him a choice. "Just don't talk. I always like you better when you don't talk."

Thor's answering grin is wry. "I could say the same thing about you."

-

Nothing changes, save for his refusal to talk to Mom and Dad. He gets up, he drinks orange juice, skulks to the car and slumps against the window to wait for Thor to finish sucking up to them and drive him to school.

Thor, on his part, is polite, overly cheerful and careful with his words. It drives Loki crazy, and finally he can't take it anymore. "Turn left," he says one morning. "We're ditching."

"I have practice this afternoon," Thor says, but complies at Loki's look. Trust Thor to be more concerned at missing practice than at furthering his education.

They end up where they always end up, in the backseat of the car in their secret place. Loki crawls into Thor's lap and Thor looks surprised, then pleased.

"Loki," Thor says, fondly.

"Thor," Loki says, less fondly.

Thor doesn't seem to take offense. Instead he presses their foreheads together and slips his arms around Loki's waist.

As usual, Loki feels tiny and breakable in Thor's embrace. Except now it's different. They're not brothers. He doesn't have a rightful place in the family. He's nothing. Less than, even. "On the plus side," he murmurs to Thor. "This isn't incest anymore. Rather less exciting, wouldn't you say?"

"Speak for yourself." He pushes Loki down onto the seat and nuzzles at his cheek.

"We could come out," Loki says, patting the back of Thor's head desultorily. "I could be the prom king. You my queen."

"I don't -"

"Say what you're thinking of saying, and I'll never let you fuck me again, I swear."

They didn't bring anything, but they make do with spit and desperation, Thor hooking Loki's leg over his waist and driving him into the door as he ruts against him. "Sorry," he mutters once, when Loki's head hits the door handle particularly hard. Loki can't form a coherent thought to reply, so he just grabs Thor by his golden locks and pulls him down for a harsh, furious kiss. Thor comes, almost immediately, his entire body jerking with it as he spills onto Loki's thighs.

He blinks for a while, watches Loki jerk himself off before he pushes his hand away and takes over, turning it into a slow, studied torture that makes Loki writhe. "Ahh," Loki says, when Thor finally lets him come, hot and hard over both their bellies. Thor collapses on top of him, nuzzling him contentedly once more until Loki tires of it and pushes him away. "We're done," he says. "Get off." Thor half-slides off the seat, elbow catching hard enough that it must hurt, but he only laughs.

 

**The distraction:**

Loki doesn't understand football. He understands even less why they have to go to every single game when their team hasn't won a single one all semester. "There's always this game," Thor says hopefully, when Loki mentions it as Mom and Dad drive them to the game. "Never say never."

"It's more likely at this point that Sif will concede to go out with you," Loki says.

Thor's face darkens slightly. It's a sore spot with him, that Sif rebuffed him when he asked her out.

"Who's Sif," Mom turns around from the front seat to ask.

Loki snorts and examines his fingernails. Thor just says, "A girl."

"Well, you're a lovely boy. If she doesn't like you back it's her that's missing out, not you."

Loki snorts again. As if Thor of all people needs a pep talk about rejection. Sif will say yes eventually. They always do.

The game is lost, with considerable humiliation as usual. Still, when Fandral waves at the crowd as he's jogging off the field, everyone cheers. "Worst quarterback ever," Loki mutters under his breath to Thor. "Even I could do better."

"You keep threatening to show off your athletic skills, Loki. I hope some day to actually see them in practice."

Loki lowers his voice and leans in. "You already know how flexible I am, though." Thor's resulting face twitch is almost worth having to spend the last couple of hours huddled on the bleachers and bored out of his mind, surreptitiously checking his email while pretending he cares when they inevitably lose. He doesn't know why he bothers, mostly, except that Thor kicks up a fuss and pouts so royally it's easier to just show up. Thor seems to be of the opinion that his friends are also Loki's, which is not even close to being the case, but Loki lets him keep that particular piece of illusion for simplicity's sake.

Of course, he could probably figure out a way to get out of this if he wanted, so perhaps some distant part of him enjoys watching men throw themselves at one another for sport.

"You should button your coat, dear," Mom says as they stand to leave. "You know how you get sick." Loki glares at her, before deliberately crossing his arms. She flinches slightly before turning back to Dad. They both think this will pass: it won't.

He loses sight of Thor, but he comes bounding back as they reach the car, going, "There's a party at Kelda's. You're coming."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are." Someone calls out Thor's name, and Thor starts running backwards, points at Loki. "You're coming, if I have to drag you there myself."

It's usually comforting to imagine that a decade from now, Loki will be the CEO of some Fortune 500 company and Thor will be pumping his gas, even though Loki knows this isn't true. Thor does fine if he even puts in the slightest bit of effort, and he's charming enough that he will probably bluster his way easily into fame, fortune and success. It's patently unfair. "You do know I'm preemptively uninvited from pretty much all the parties, don't you?" An unfortunate incident at Tony's place involving a runaway Ilama that Loki hadn't even been responsible for and yet somehow took the blame for, as usual.

"Temporary reprieve," Thor calls out cheerfully. "I promised her you'd behave."

Loki jams his hands into his coat pockets and mutters, "The last time wasn't even my fault." He's not to blame if people take his suggestions.

The voice calling Thor's name grows more insistent, and he turns around and disappears into the crowd. "You should go," Dad says.

"All right," Loki says, and can't miss the wash of surprise coming from him. "Curfew's extended?"

"Just try to make it home with Thor."

"We can drive you," Mom says, a little desperately.

"No, I'll get a ride myself." He turns and walks off in the direction Thor went.

-

He ends up hitching a ride with Jane Foster, a girl that was either a passing fling or one of those special ones that Thor actually calls a girlfriend before he inevitably loses interest and finds a reason to break up. She's tiny and very pretty, so probably the latter. To her credit, she doesn't mention Thor once, instead spending the short ride talking ceaselessly about the game.

"Talent, that's what's missing," Loki says, interrupting her spiel about how their d-line needed tightening up. "No amount of strategy is going to compensate for the lack of it."

She stops talking after that.

Kelda's house is massive, needlessly ostentatious, and just itching to be ripped apart by some unfortunate incident. It's Thor that made the promise to behave after all, not Loki. Jane squeezes her fingers over his arm before drifting off, leaving Loki to wander the house alone. At some point Kelda emerges from the crowd.

"You look very fetching today, Kelda."

She refuses to be impressed, instead wagging a finger at him, and saying, in the faintly dreamy way that she has, "You promised to behave."

"I'm not a dog to be chastised. I won't pee on your carpet, although I'm certain by the end of the night one of these idiots will."

"Hm," Kelda says. "That's certainly a possibility. But I like to think people have better manners than that." She smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

Loki's tired of it, and pushes past her to look for Thor - who's nowhere to be found, which is how Loki ends up drunk and morose on a couch, his head in the lap of some girl whose name he doesn't know.

"He's awful," he complains, and she pats his head reassuringly. "I hate him." Speak of the devil. Loki glares up at him and says spitefully, "You're blocking my light, you giant Neanderthal."

"I'll take him now," Thor says. Somehow Loki's on his feet and Thor is pushing him in the direction of the stairs. "You shouldn't be drinking," he says accusingly.

"Neither should you."

"I'm almost eighteen."

"You do realize the law doesn't work on almosts." On his feet, he realizes he is far less drunk than he could be, but when he grabs a passing cup Thor snatches it from him and refuses to give it back. "Asshole."

"Uh-huh," Thor says, and propels him through a doorway, kicks it shut with his foot. And just like that, they're alone.

"If you think I'm going to -" Loki starts indignantly. But he would, actually. There's a cut on Thor's lower lip and bruising around his eye. Loki, despite everything, finds himself sliding to his knees.

Thor makes a strangled sound when Loki starts unbuttoning his jeans, but says, "You don't have to."

"I live in hope that you'll knock your teeth out against the side of the pool someday," Loki says idly. "So you'd be less inclined to talk."

Thor's already hard when Loki draws him out, his hand coming to rest on the back of Loki's head when Loki takes him into his mouth and looks up from under his lashes. Thor leans his free hand against the wall, but waits patiently instead of thrusting his hips forward or pushing Loki's head.

Loki can't stand it.

Afterwards, when he's come and Loki's swallowed dutifully, Thor drags Loki to his feet and kisses him softly, before sneaking his hand into Loki's pants and jerking him off, slow and steady. Loki rests his head against Thor's collarbone and lets the world drift away, if only for a while.

When they make their way downstairs once again, there's some kind of kerfuffle in the living room. "Thor," Fandral says, with much relief, when Thor enters the room. "Look what those bastards did!"

All eyes turn to Thor with heavy, enthusiastic expectation.

"This won't end well," Loki tells Thor, with some trepidation, but Thor ignores him.

"Why? What happened?"

 

**The incident:**

It's not his fault. After all, why should he care if the school's mascot is defaced by some other school in some pointless rivalry over football. Privately, Loki thinks it's hilarious. Although rather bad sportsmanship, considering that their team had already lost. If he actually gave a damn about school spirit he would probably be righteously pissed. Much like Thor, and Loki has to listen to him rage for a good long while before he feels obliged to cut in, "Then the obvious solution would be to get back at them, wouldn't it?"

As it turns out, there is a vast difference between defacement of property and theft of it.

 

**The counter-incident:**

"Fandral, you're on lookout, Hogun, you take point, Volstagg, you know what you have to do. Loki, you're with me." Loki follows Thor dutifully, after pulling his mask over his face. Thor grumbles over the cat burglar gear, but Loki convinces him it's important. "We don't want to look like a bunch of high school students."

"Who else but a bunch of high school students would steal a school mascot?" He halts underneath the statue, and Loki almost barrels into him. "That's a really ugly mascot. Removing its head would only improve on its appearance, I say." He hands his backpack to Loki, and climbs onto the statue's base.

Loki unzips the bag and removes the saw and protective glasses, passes it all up.

"For glory!"

Loki can't tell if he's being ironic or not. But he looks very handsome, muscular frame silhouetted against the moon like this, so it most likely doesn't matter.

"Indeed," Loki replies, tilting his head back to stare. "Indeed."

What happens next is entirely and utterly not his fault. All he truly remembers is Thor tossing the head down to him and telling him, "Run," as a crowd of angry boys head determinedly towards them. He assumes Thor's right behind him, but when he turns around, far away from the campus, he's alone.

Loki drops the statue onto the ground, bends down to catch his breath.

Oh, shit.

 

**The incident's sobering conclusion:**

Loki pleads innocence to all of it, even as he's hauled into the principal's office along with everybody else. "I was in the library," he protests. He has an alibi. A false one, but entirely air-tight.

"Oh please, it was a coordinated effort. As if these morons could come up with a plan like that. Not you, Thor." She actually pauses in her diatribe to smile at Thor, who beams back.

"Oh for the love of -" Loki rolls his eyes, and is rewarded with a narrowed stare. "Look, it's not as if you have any evidence, seeing as how no-one from the other school will even admit we were there." To be expected: five of them and only one of Thor, and they lost.

Principal Lewis reaches under the desk, brings up the head. She puts it on the table with a satisfied thunk. "This was found in your locker, Thor. Do you have any explanation for this."

"Listen, I -"

"I wasn't speaking to you, Loki. Or any of you." The idiot three shut up, although Hogun briefly glowers at Loki. Loki cares far less about that than the look Thor shoots him, confusion and betrayal mixed into one.

"Principal Lewis," Thor says earnestly, "It really wasn't Loki's fault. I take full responsibility for my actions. I'm the only one to blame."

A stern warning, no mark on his permanent record. It doesn't hurt that no boy from the other school admits to anything at all.

It's astounding. Anyone else would have been expelled. Loki would have been expelled.

"You're angry," Thor remarks, as they're driving home.

"Your powers of deduction are brilliant. What gave me away?"

Thor shrugs. "You're always mad at me nowadays."

"You wonder why?"

"Yes."

Loki shakes his head wearily. "Everything's so fucking easy for you, isn't it. You skate through life, not a care in the world, never ever having to pay the price or face a repercussion for your actions. It's disgusting, is what it is."

Thor grips the steering wheel tight, says quietly, "Would you have preferred it if I'd gotten expelled?"

"Yes."

"Oh." He pauses for the longest time. "Is that why you put the head in my locker?"

"No, I put it there because after all the effort you put into getting it I thought you'd want to keep it, and I didn't think the lockers would get searched. You really should change your combination, by the way."

"Why? You're the only one who knows it."

Loki sighs and slumps further against the door. "I can't wait until we go away to different colleges, then I'll never have to see you again," he says, after a while.

Thor doesn't reply, just slices a hurt, puppyish expression Loki's way before turning his attention back to the road.

They drive the rest of the way back home in silence.


	2. Interlude I

When Loki was three years old, he almost drowned. According to his mother, she'd wandered off after drawing a bath to answer the phone, and Loki had somehow managed to turn the knob on the bathroom door.

The way it's told, Thor found him lying face down in the tub, and even though he was only five he immediately pulled Loki out and hit his chest until he spluttered, and breathed.

Mom found him soon afterwards, cradling Loki to his chest and refusing to let go.

Loki can't recall a thing, but it's a tale told so often that he can almost taste the water, rose scented and warm, filling his lungs. Can almost feel Thor's fists against his chest and his strong, chubby arms holding him tight.

Like all stories, it is only mostly true. Thor will shrug when Loki mentions it, say, "Mom gave you CPR. I was five."

Still, Loki grew up thinking of his first kiss as given to him by Thor. When Thor kissed him again, years later, Loki wasn't drowning, just pressed up against a staircase railing as a party raged on downstairs. They were both punch-drunk, Loki less so, and Thor pulled away after a while, shook his head in confusion. "Loki, no," he said.

But all Loki could think of through the haze was what it felt like to be unable to breathe, to have the air forced out of you, lungs filling instead with water.

"Please," Loki replied, and for the briefest of moments everything made a horrible, perfect sense. But then Thor was kissing him again, and it stopped.


	3. Chapter 3

**The fallout:**

Mom and Dad ground Thor for a week. They attempt to do the same to Loki, but Thor shakes his head and says, "Please don't," and Mom stops, glances from Thor to Loki and then back again.

"Go to your room, Loki," she says, her tone dark and concerned.

She's waiting in the kitchen when he sneaks out for a drink. "Your brother loves you," she starts.

"God, everything really is about him, isn't it? It's as if I'm some pet that was given to him as a birthday present. I apologize if I grew up less cute than I was supposed to. There are no returns allowed."

She swallows. "That's not what I meant."

"Yes it is." Loki doesn't wait for her reply, just stalks off.

-

He tries his best to avoid home after that, mostly because Thor's massive sulk hovers over the house like a black cloud. Loki refuses to give him the satisfaction of winning: it's not as if Thor isn't just waiting for Loki to give him a glimmer of hope before he comes bounding back. Thor never could hold a grudge, not against Loki. The thought makes his heart squeeze, hard inside his chest.

True enough, the day that his punishment is lifted Thor is sliding into the seat across from Loki and opening his mouth. Loki points at the "Silence Please" sign, and Thor shuts it abruptly. Libraries were not made for the likes of Thor. Loki has to endure his crossed arms and general air of frustration for an hour before they start flickering the lights.

"Go away," he hisses, as he starts packing his stuff.

He's weak though, so he allows Thor to walk home with him, books clutched to his chest like a prim schoolgirl while Thor jams his hands in his pockets and scuffs his feet.

"Come on, Loki," he says, at one point. "Don't be like this."

Loki halts. "I'm certain there are a dozen girls out there willing to suck your cock if you'd just ask, Thor. And a few boys as well, if you'd risk your precious reputation for that." A fleeting look of guilt crosses Thor's face. "Honestly," Loki says. "I am not your whore." But Thor already has his fingers hooked into one of Loki's belt loops and he's pulling Loki along.

"I parked the car nearby," Thor says, his voice riddled with hope.

"All right, fine," Loki says, more out of exasperation than anything else. Thor has a tendency to be stupidly tenacious when it comes to whatever he wants at any moment in time, and at some point it's not entirely worth the effort to keep on denying him.

"I'll carry your books for you."

"Oh my god."

In the stupid car, strategically parked to be away from all but the most industrious of prying eyes, he ends up straddling Thor's lap, jerking him off slowly and purposefully. "Don't look so smug," Loki says, squeezing a little too hard. Thor gasps, and wraps an arm around Loki's back and pulls him close, so Loki can feel their hearts beating in synchronicity. Then: "I like to imagine you fucking them, you know. All your pretty cheerleaders and groupies. I think of you slipping your tongue into their wet pink cunts, opening them up and making them come so hard that they don't care who hears them scream." He doesn't have to imagine it, in truth: Thor isn't very discreet and technology is a marvelous thing. "Do you think of me, brother?"

"Yes," Thor bites out, and comes, hot and pulsing into Loki's hand. "Yes I think of you. Fuck, Loki. I always think of you."

As admissions go, it's not exactly expected. Loki pulls away, disoriented and dismayed. His hand is sticky; he presses it against Thor's chest and smears the come away as best he can. "I hate you," he says unsteadily, and Thor laughs, harsh and faintly dazed.

"I know," Thor says, and kisses him.

 

**The illusion of normalcy:**

A hushed air of dread settles over the school as exams approach. Loki is unconcerned, but Thor, in between swim practice, can be found most often in his room, brow furrowed and chewing on a pencil. Loki pokes his head in on Friday evening, shakes his head at him. "I'm going out for a movie. Do you want to join me?"

"No." He points at the chair next to him, says, "Sit for a while, talk to me. I could use a break."

"If that's your way of asking for a blowjob -"

"I can want your mouth for other reasons, Loki."

"Ah," Loki says, grabbing the chair and straddling it. "Too bad. I was going to say yes." He peers at Thor's book and idly picks it up. Thor's studying the wrong chapter. "Give me a highlighter," he commands, holding out his hand.

Thor passes it to him wordlessly, remaining silent as Loki highlights the pertinent bits, until Loki's done and shuts the book. "You don't take this class," is all he says, when Loki hands it back to him.

Loki shrugs. "I'm just that smart, I guess." He checks his watch. The movie's already started. Will be almost done by the time he gets there. It doesn't matter, he didn't want to watch it all that badly anyway. Thor returns back to studying, and Loki ends up falling asleep on his bed.

 

**The heart to heart:**

Dad's on the roof, cigarette in his hand as he stares out into the city. "Don't tell your mother," he says, when Loki slinks up behind him, hands tucked into his jeans pockets.

"I won't if you give me one."

"Son, not yet. Not ever."

"I'm not your son," Loki says.

"If you weren't my son I'd wager you'd be far more polite." He turns his attention back to the view, and Loki's stomach clenches, as always, with anxiety and the need to please, coupled with the faint dread that he will never measure up to Thor. Or even otherworldly beautiful and utterly stupid Balder. It's easier, almost, to imagine that he can step out of all this expectation, simply by virtue of never having been the correct blood to begin with. "There was this cult," Dad begins.

"The Laufey House?"

"Yes." Surprise crosses his face.

Loki shrugs. "It made your career."

"Yes. They hailed me as a hero - but people died. Five days, and when we finally broke through the barricades, when the smoke cleared, I entered first, against orders, and there was a child, wrapped in a soiled, blood-stained blanket and still. He was so still, and I thought, it's true, there is no God. I picked him up, because I couldn't bear not to, and put him to my chest. He started screaming, and wouldn't stop." He drops the cigarette to the ground, grinds his booted foot over it. "We wanted to tell you. We always meant to."

Loki wipes a tear away with the back of his hand. "Yes, well. I imagine how that conversation would have gone. Son, you're the product of a dangerous, criminal cult that I and the fine, upstanding citizens of this city put down like so much dogs. Happy fucking birthday."

"Loki -"

"Don't." He jerks his hood over his head angrily, turns and stalks away, ignoring Dad's soft plea for him to stay.

 

**Football, and other incendiary topics:**

They are in Loki's bedroom when Fandral comes over, Saturday morning, and Mom knocks on his door. "Loki, Fandral's here and Thor's not in his room. Do you know where he is?"

Loki hisses, "Did you invite him over?"

"Yeah, we were gonna hang out."

Loki hits Thor in the shoulder. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you fell asleep in my bed."

"It's fine, I can be in your room."

"You have dried come on your face. You're not leaving while she's out there. No, I'm not joking."

"I keep telling you not to do that." Thor rubs at his cheek, and Loki sighs.

"I'm not his keeper," he calls out to Mom. "How would I know where he is? Put Fandral in front of the aquarium, the bright fishes will entertain him until Thor comes back." He throws on a sweatshirt, pants, and inspects himself in the mirror. Disheveled, but relatively decent.

"And what do I do," Thor asks, needlessly churlish, Loki thinks.

"Wait until we are all safely in the living room and then get yourself to the bathroom? I can draw you a map if you're worried you'll get lost." Thor tosses a pillow at his head.

When Loki enters the living room Fandral says, "It's so soothing, watching them swim."

Loki sighs. "Sorry about the game last night, man." He gives Fandral a brightly supportive thumbs up when he turns around. "Maybe next time. I'm rooting for you."

"Where's Thor?"

"In the bathroom, most likely."

Mom comes out of the kitchen with drinks on a tray. "But I checked, there was no-one in any of the bathrooms."

Loki shrugs. "Fandral, are Thor and you going to practice your throw?"

"What? No, we're just going to hang out. Maybe go to the mall." Fandral looks nonplussed. "Why, did he mention anything to you?"

"Ah, right yes. The mall. That might have been what he told me." Loki smiles guilelessly and starts backing up down the hallway. "I have homework. I'll tell Thor to hurry up." Thor never locks the bathroom door, so Loki opens it and slides in, right as Thor is combing his hair. "Fandral says he wants to go to the park, toss a football around or something."

Blue eyes blink at him from the reflection in the mirror. "With me? But why." Thor's athletic prowess is legendary, and that he chose swimming to excel in is entirely incidental. It could have just as well been any other sport and he'd still bring back championship medals.

"I'm just the messenger." He makes a face. "Rather torturous way to spend a weekend, if you ask me."

-

It's far too long for Thor to return, and Loki starts to despair that he will in fact spend all day tossing around a football with Fandral, when there's a knock on his door. "Loki, you there?"

"I'm busy," Loki calls out.

The door opens anyway. Thor makes himself comfortable on Loki's bed, his muscular frame filling up the space in the way Loki doesn't. "Weren't you supposed to be out all day," Loki asks, pointedly not looking away from the computer screen.

"Eh, I don't know what's gotten into Fandral. He snapped at me for no reason and then said he wanted to go home."

"So you decided to bother me instead?"

"Yes."

Everything's fine until Thor starts whining, in that insistent, demanding I-won't-be-ignored way that he has.

Loki sighs and types something in and says, quite clearly, "No."

"Fine, I'll just entertain myself then." A pause. "Are you pretending to be a girl on the internet again?"

"If you must know, yes I am pretending to be a girl on the internet again." More specifically, pretending to be Volstagg's girlfriend. But Thor never needs to know that. Or Volstagg. Loki almost feels sorry for the guy, he's so very harmless. But it seems even crueller at this point to crush his heart.

"Is it fun?"

Loki stops typing momentarily. "Depends on your definition of fun."

"Mine involves actual physical contact with another human being," Thor says, the bedsprings squeaking as he shifts. Loki continues to studiously ignore him, but he can't keep it up for long, not with utterly obscene sounds Thor starts making. He refuses to look, but all of his other senses are working just fine, thank you very much. His own cock betrays him, stirring and starting to make insistent demands. Finally, Loki types out a hasty goodbye to Volstagg and puts the laptop to sleep. He turns to say something pithy, but forgets it at the sight of Thor with his shirt off, one hand flung over his eyes and the other on his cock, jutting out through the vee of his jeans.

Loki reaches for his phone, snaps a picture. Too late, he forgets to turn the sound off, and the idiotic thing makes its entirely unnecessary false camera snapping noise. It's enough for Thor to stop and lift his arm, his dazed eyes clearing briefly and turning faintly accusing.

He's glaring at Loki now. "What are you going to do with that?"

Loki tosses the phone back into the table and rises. "Put it on Facebook?" At Thor's frown he continues, "Oh for heaven's sake, as if I didn't have far worse. If those haven't made it onto the internet yet - let's just hope you never decide to run for public office."

He puts a knee onto the bed before Thor decides he's going to make Loki root out and delete every single incriminating photo and video. Which would take a while: if only Thor knew. But then, considering how Thor is mostly compromised with Loki himself, it's hardly anything particularly useful. Still. "Take your jeans off," he tells Thor now, and watches as Thor battles between wanting to demand Loki hand over his phone and getting laid. As usual, the latter wins out.

He scoots out of his jeans, and Loki sighs when he turns his expectant gaze towards him. "Fine," he says, and starts removing his own clothes. Thor doesn't let him quite finish before he's pulling Loki down, kissing him messily and threading his fingers through Loki's hair.

"Urk," Loki says, when Thor finally lets him breathe.

"The drawer," Thor replies, irrepressibly smug.

His brother's not as stupid as he looks and acts sometimes. More's the pity, then.

 

**The surprise date:**

Loki wanders into Thor's room to find him putting on aftershave. He's even run a comb through his hair. "Did Sif actually agree to go out with you," Loki asks, sprawling into Thor's study chair to better watch him fuss.

"Not Sif. Darcy."

"What do you mean, Darcy."

"She's fun, I like her."

"But what about Sif? Aren't you in love with her, all little red hearts for eyes and writing sonnets dedicated to her beauty?"

He spins the chair around, and around, until he's stopped abruptly by Thor clamping his hands onto the armrests and leaning over him. "It's just a date, Loki. I'm not promising to marry her."

Loki widens his eyes slightly. "And what if Darcy's in love with you? Does she know it's just a date?"

"We're just going to hang out. I'm pretty sure she knows."

"No, you're right." He shrugs and forces a smile onto his face. "She's pretty -" he searches for the word. "- chill. So hey, knock yourself out."

Thor releases his grip on the chair, momentum forcing it backwards until Loki hits the desk. "I'll be back later. Don't wait up."

Loki calls Darcy as soon as Thor's out the door. "You going out with Thor more than once wasn't part of the deal," he hisses at her.

"Okay first of all, in retrospect one measly date for what I gave you? I got screwed. Second of all, he asked me out. I'm not turning down a date with Thor. Have you seen your brother?"

"No, yes. Of course. You two make a lovely couple," Loki says.

"Okay, hold up there. I don't want to be his prom queen or whatever I just want him to maybe cop a feel or something. Why is he such a prude? Does not live up at all to his reputation so far, I have to say. It's not like I'm a troll or something."

"It's not you," Loki says soothingly. "It's just that, well."

"What?"

"Thor's kind of a romantic. No I'm serious, stop laughing. He's only really into girls that he can foresee having a relationship with."

"So what you're saying is I should act more like I wanna be his girlfriend or whatever? Seriously?" She pauses. "What's that noise?"

"Nothing." Loki stops banging his head on his desk. "No, I'm not saying anything. Do whatever you want, I don't care."

-

Thor returns two hours later, pokes his head into Loki's bedroom. "How was your date?" Loki asks, yawning as he sits up on the bed.

"Don't," Thor replies grouchily, but instead of coming in he closes the door, and Loki tracks his footsteps as they tread down the hall to his own bedroom and the door opens, then slams shut.

 

**The plan, an addendum:**

Considering the number of people Loki sold the papers to, it would be obvious to all but the most obtuse that there were some kind of Cheating Shenanigans going on. But without any evidence, and with the small matter of most of the cheaters being the school's most beloved athletes and sons and daughters of Important People, it would most likely have been cheerfully swept Under The Rug.

Except Principal Lewis has principles. Loki's standing by his locker when she passes him, eyes blazing and heels clicking meaningfully on the tiles. The look she shoots him is enough to kill small helpless kittens, it's so virulent.

This is both a) too soon and b) not enough. Loki sees it now: the students will be chastised, they will be made to retake the test. Not a single head will roll.

It simply won't do.

"What's that about," Thor asks.

"Nothing," Loki replies distractedly.

Time for phase two, then.

"Loki," Principal Lewis says, with the heavy sigh of the damned, when he shows up at her office after school. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Have you come to confess your part in this latest mess?"

"As a matter of fact, that's exactly why I'm here."

 

**Fifteen minutes later:**

"And also, your daughter went out with Thor, were you aware of that? Even you've heard of Thor's reputation, surely." He stares meaningfully at his phone.

Principal Lewis snorts. "Please, are you honestly expecting me to believe Thor would make that kind of video? Not to mention passing it to you?"

"We are brothers," Loki snaps, more harshly than he'd intented.

"Yes, it's a shame that you're not more like him. Even Balder was a pleasure."

Loki wants to snarl at her, but instead he inhales deeply and says, "Thor's not always aware of his surroundings. Especially when he's otherwise occupied."

"You little creep," she says, distaste hardening her voice. "You wouldn't."

"I actually would."

"No."

"Do you want to see?" He holds out the phone to her, and she visibly recoils.

"She's _fifteen_."

"There are fourteen year olds with herpes, Principal Lewis." He shakes his head reproachfully. "Kids these days. Where is the parental supervision, I ask you. It's bad enough she stole the papers right from under your nose."

"Fine." She sounds pained, and furious. Loki will have to fix this at some point. But not right now.

"What exactly do you want."

Loki smiles.

 

**Later, the same day:**

Darcy accosts him in the hallway and pulls him into an abandoned music room, to light up cigarettes she's rolled that are not entirely filled with tobacco. The air is thick with smoke, and his eyes are watering, but he's too lazy to get up from his cross-legged position on the floor.

"My mom's sending me to boarding school," Darcy says miserably.

"Is she?"

"Kept screaming about my fucking reputation, like it's the fucking sixties. And it'd be one thing if it were true, but Thor didn't even touch me." She blinks wildly, accusingly, "You should have asked him to."

"I can't force Thor to fuck you."

"Why not? What's the use of me being young and vulnerable if he's not going to take advantage of that?" She deepens her voice. "You're a lovely young lady, Darcy. But not old enough. Who the fuck even talks like that anymore?"

"You'll only be disappointed. He has a tiny dick. Can't keep it up long."

"Oh please. Carol Danvers told me he can go all night. And he's huge." She holds her hands about ten inches apart.

Everything about Thor that's both true and untrue. Moral, brave, great in the sack and a cock that would make a horse blush.

Also given to ill-timed bouts of violence and fucking his own brother.

"He's overrated," Loki says, and means it entirely. He grabs the cigarette from her and tilts his head back to take a drag. When he lowers it, she's on her hands and knees, face about an inch from his. Her eyes are unbecomingly huge, red rimmed and blown almost black. "You wanna fool around?" she asks. "I'll let you touch my boobs."

"I won't be a substitute for my brother."

"That's great, because you're nothing like him."

Loki tilts his head, says, "Okay then."

 

**Even later, the same day:**

Thor shows up in Loki's room uninvited, shoves at him until Loki makes room on the bed. But he says, "There's a hickey on your neck."

"Is there? Must be yours."

"No, it's not mine. I know what marks I leave on you."

It can't possibly be true, but it's effective nonetheless. Loki flounders for a bit, then spills.

Thor frowns. "She's very young."

"She's only four months younger than I am."

"Ah." Then, "Was it your first time?" There's a dangerously sentimental tone to his voice, as if he's going to start patting Loki on the back and take him out for drinks to celebrate him becoming a man. There's also an edge to it, faintly underlying, and he can't quite meet Loki's gaze.

Loki bristles. "Of course not, don't be silly. Although we can't all put our cock in everything that moves." Not that he even got close with Darcy. Which Thor doesn't have to know.

"I do not put my cock into everything that moves." This is true, unfortunately. Thor isn't capable of lying to him. Thor's legendary reputation with girls is mostly bullshit. Loki knows this because he's started a fair bit of it. And the rest, well. Everyone enjoys a good rumor. "Who was she?" Thor says, settling back down onto the bed and bumping Loki's shoulder.

"Who?"

"The girl. The first."

"Uh." Loki thinks wildly, desperately. "I don't kiss and tell. It's impolite and disrespectful towards women. So my older brother keeps telling me."

Thor seems unconvinced, so Loki turns into him and unbuttons his jeans, until Thor's eyes darken and he stops talking for a while. When he's close, when he's shuddering into Loki and he gets that low growl in the back of his throat, Loki leans up and whispers into his ear, "I lied. You'll always be my first," and Thor comes, sharp and startled and loud enough that Loki has to clamp his hand over his mouth to shut him up.

 

**The wildcard:**

In chemistry, Loki ends up with a new lab partner when his previous one mysteriously refuses to work with him anymore. It's part of his plan, but he can't help but be annoyed when all the teacher says is, "Right, Loki. Clearly," before pointing him at another table.

Loki hauls his ass over and beams at the girl sitting there. "Hi, I'm Loki. You're Leah, right?"

"Yes I know who you are, you're Thor's brother."

Loki deflates. "I know your mom," he says. "She's the crazy recycling broad with the truck, right?"

Leah stares blankly at him. "Crazy is an ableist term," she says finally. "And broad is just offensive. Not to mention dated."

Loki is, momentarily, at a loss for words. He recovers soon enough, smiles engagingly and says, "We're going to be the best of friends, Leah."

"Really not," Leah says.

-

Leah is a junior reporter at the school newspaper.

This is important, but not entirely why he wants to get to know her better.

Thor's wrong. He can make friends if he wants to.

-

"I thought we were going to study," Leah says dubiously, when Loki brings her to his favorite place in the world.

"We can study afterwards," Loki says, signaling for the waitress to bring over his regular, only times two. "This place has the best milkshakes."

"I'm not allowed to have dairy," Leah says with a pained expression on her face. Loki's not sure if it's because she's so unhappy to be here or something else.

"If you're lactose intolerant I can order you the soy."

"I'm not. My mother's just anti-dairy. It's fine, I'll try it."

"Your mother scares me."

"I don't think anyone scares you," Leah says, droll, as the milkshakes are deposited at their tables.

Loki beams at the waitress. "Charlie, I want you to meet my friend Leah."

Charlie beams down at Leah, and says, "Well aren't you cuter than a pixie." She winks conspiratorially and stage-whispers, nodding at Loki. "You watch out for this one, he's a heartbreaker."

"I'm pretty sure my heart is safe from breakage," Leah says. When the waitress is called off, she leans across the table and tells Loki, "And we are not friends. Just because I have the misfortune of being lab partners with you doesn't mean I think you're cute. Or that I want to make out with you."

Loki pushes the milk-chocolate flavored glass of frothy goodness towards her. "You might change your mind after you try this," he says.

It turns out, if your body isn't used to much dairy, it doesn't much want to consume it. "You're the worst," Leah says. Her face is faintly green, and Loki leads her out of the diner hastily. "The absolute worst."

She throws up all over Loki's sneakers.

-

Darcy doesn't get shipped off to boarding school after all. She sits behind Loki in class and taps him on the shoulder, leans forward, "My mom says if I promise not to get an STD she'll let me stay here. I told her what you told me, about soccer and how I was so looking forward to spending time in an all-girl environment. You want to hang out after school?"

"Sure." He turns look at her. "We're not dating or anything right?"

"What, no. Ew," she says huffily, pulling back. "You're totally not my type. Besides, I heard you have the hots for that weird reporter girl or something."

"She's not weird," Loki replies. "And I do not. We're just friends."

-

"For the last time, Loki, we're not friends."

"You invited me to meet your mom," Loki points out, quite reasonably enough.

"No, I invited you over to prep for our class. Meeting my mom is just an unavoidable consequence."

Speaking of: Leah's mom, blinking at them both before narrowing her gaze at Loki, who shrinks back slightly behind Leah. "Do you recycle, Loki?"

"I uh, I try."

"It's important," she says reproachfully.

Leah grabs his hand and tugs him towards the stairs. "We're going to study. Please leave us alone."

"So what you're telling me," Leah says thoughtfully, after they've readied themselves for their class and Loki has gently steered the conversation to the topic of the recent tests, "is that you accidentally found out a fair number of people cheated on their exams."

"Why do I get the feeling you just did mental quotation marks over the word accidentally."

"Because I did mental quotation marks over the word accidentally." She side-eyes him. "I'm not as stupid as you think I am."

"I don't think you're stupid," Loki says defensively. She's a whole bunch of things Loki doesn't even remotely want to unpack right now. He has more pressing needs. "But cheating is bad?"

"Please."

"It's a good story, regardless. The popular jocks getting away with things no-one should get away with. It's a travesty."

Leah looks thoughtful. "But everyone likes them, Loki. Everyone."

Loki groans, and balls his fists at his eyes. "You can publish anonymously if you're worried about becoming a social pariah afterwards. The legacy of favoritism and the social hierarchy and all that."

"That's not been my experience as to how this school works."

"So what," Loki says. "It's the story that determines truth in the end. Make it believable."

"I'm a journalist, not a fiction writer," Leah says crossly. "You do realize your brother will be implicated in this?"

"Thor doesn't cheat."

"Yes, but." Her gaze is frank, accessing, and Loki has to look away. Thor will be fine. Thor is blessed by all the gods you might or might not believe in, and will emerge unscathed from any kind of fallout Loki can forsee. "Fine," she says finally. "I suppose the school year has been rather boring so far. There wasn't even a protest like last year."

Loki brightens. "Yes, do you want to know how I -" He shuts up at her withering, unimpressed glare. "Should I leave?"

"You could. Or we could make out." The expression on her face, the usual one she holds when looking at him, doesn't change.

"Um," Loki says.

 

**The result:**

The article is perfect: scathing, incendiary, and most of all, damning towards all involved. By the end of the week, almost eight students are suspended, including, surprisingly, Thor.

More importantly, every other parent is infuriated that it took a school newspaper for this widespread cheating to come to light. "Why was nothing done about this earlier," is the common refrain.

Why, indeed.

"I didn't cheat," Thor says to Mom and Dad, sounding outraged at the mere thought.

"We know, Thor." This is Mom, shaking her head.

"I'll take care of this, don't worry." Dad picks up the phone.

Thor's gaze wanders, settles on Loki. Loki shakes his head and turns tail, escapes into his bedroom. He considers locking the door, but might as well get it over with now. Sure enough, he hears the doorknob turn, and before he can get up off the bed Thor has his hand on Loki's back, pushing him down as he straddles him.

"Ow." He turns and glares. "You troglodyte. Get off."

"What kind of a game are you playing, Loki? Half the swim team's suspended. My friends. Our friends. I have - had championships next week."

"What on earth would make you think that has anything to do with me?"

"Because," Thor says threateningly. Loki isn't quite threatened.

"If you must know, I'm acting out because I just found out I was adopted." Thor's gaze softens, and Loki turns back to his book, only to have his head yanked up by the hair. "Violence is not an acceptable response to anger," Loki says.

Thor releases him, but only to grab his arms and twist them behind his back. "What are you doing," Thor asks again, slowly. Loki presses his head down into the pillow and groans. He can't help it. Thor stills. "Loki," he says.

"Fuck you, let me go."

"No, I just." He leans down, and his lips brush across the nape of Loki's neck. "I don't understand you," he says. "Why?"

"Why not?" Thor releases him abruptly, and Loki sits up. "I've heard that losing builds strength. You might want to try that once in a while."

"I might lose, but that requires that I even get to compete in the first place." He sits down heavily, his face dark and contemplative. "Or are we in some kind of a competition and no one told me?"

"We're brothers, Thor," Loki says. "Everything has always been a competition."


	4. Interlude II

Thor trains entirely too much. Loki has precious little interest in watching his pointless pursuit to shave off seconds, except for those times when Thor is his ride home. Then he mostly huddles a safe distance away, in the eerily quiet swim complex that Thor's given special access to after closing hours. He usually has his iPad and headphones with him, but in the end he spends far more time watching Thor cut a swath through the water, his body lithe and golden. Sometimes, he gets bored enough to venture close, gingerly looking in and waiting for Thor to hit his mark and notice him. "Don't you ever get bored," he asks. "You never go anywhere."

"It's not about going somewhere, it's about how fast you are."

"But there's no point."

Thor wipes water from his face and swims towards him, causing Loki to edge away. "We've had this conversation before," Thor says. He rests his elbows on the tiles, uncaring that there's water pouring down his face, and Loki wants nothing more than to kiss him then. He drops to his knees, feels his jeans soak through almost immediately, and cradles Thor's head in his hands.

"Why swimming?" he asks instead. "I can't swim."

"Because you choose not to learn."

"You know why."

"You don't have to be afraid." Thor captures Loki's wrists in his hands, encircling them tightly.

"Why, because you'll always be there to rescue me? That's not the way the world works, Thor," he adds, before Thor opens his fool mouth and says something stupid and earnest and utterly untrue. But Thor starts to speak anyway, so Loki gives in to his earlier urge and kisses him, wet and open mouthed. He tastes like chlorine, like drowning.


	5. Chapter 5

**Repercussions, and all that:**

Loki was careful to cover his tracks. No-one but the Lewises know who sold the papers, and they're not telling anyone. Leah's journalistic integrity prevents her from revealing her sources, and Thor would never.

And yet here he is, on a bright Tuesday afternoon, surrounded by a group of his so-called peers, incensed and unreasonable. Loki, wisely, decides to stop talking, after his first attempt to defend himself ends up with him getting a smack across the mouth.

He's resigned himself to ending up as piñata when Thor shows up. His arm is abruptly released, and Loki slumps against a nearby wall, blinking sweat and blood out of his eye and heaving a sigh.

"Thor -" someone starts. Loki can't remember his name. Vili or something.

"No," Thor says steadily. "I think that's enough."

They all exchange glances, and finally someone clears their throat, "You should be more pissed than we are. This was supposed to be your year."

"Yeah," is all Thor says, not taking his gaze away from Loki. His expression is oh so carefully blank. After a moment everyone just disperses, carefully navigating around Thor as they walk off. Thor barely waits until they're gone before he grabs Loki by the neck and pulls him near. "Are you okay?"

"Other than the bleeding, I'm fine. You're hurting me."

"Right, sorry," Thor says, and releases him. "Come on, let's go home."

Back home, Thor sits Loki down at the kitchen counter. "You're going to bruise badly. Mom's going to be really upset."

"Why? It's not her blood that was spilled." In response, Thor only presses his lips to Loki's forehead, and Loki wants to push him away, but instead he finds himself lifting his hands and looping them around Thor's shoulders. Like he used to when they were kids and Thor wasn't that much bigger than he was.

"You're lucky I was there. What happens the next time?"

"Don't worry about it," Loki says breezily. "I always have a contingency plan."

"Why do I not like the sound of that?"

"Are you mad?" Loki asks.

"No," Thor says. "I'm disappointed."

"You sound like Dad. I'm so disappointed, son. Except Dad won't make me fuck him afterwards." Thor grimaces, staggers back. Too far. Loki clenches his fists against his thighs. But he can't take it back, and he won't apologize, not even when Thor searches his face, clearly expecting some kind of concession.

"Fine," Thor says, slamming the ice-pack onto the table. "Go wash up. You're a mess." He storms out of the apartment, and doesn't return until evening, sullen and reserved and refusing to look at Loki.

It's not the most awkward family dinner they've ever had, but it's pretty close.

Dad says, "One child suspended, the other one in trouble yet again - what did you do this time to deserve the beating, Loki?"

"Don't speak to him like that," Thor says, his fork clattering to the plate.

Mom jumps, and Dad says, "Both of you, to your rooms. Now."

Loki's used to being sent to his room. Thor less so. He scrapes the chair backwards hastily, almost tipping it over in his rush to get away. Loki thanks Mom for the lovely food, and doesn't slam the bedroom door behind him.

Thor slips into the room when Loki's finally falling asleep. "Cute," he says, laying the medal down on Loki's sternum. Loki lifts it up, peers at the _Best Idiot Brother_ engraved on it.

"There's an empty space on your shelf," Loki says. "I thought you might want it filled. You were almost second place, but Balder managed to graduate."

"At least you still consider me your brother."

"I had it made before I found out," Loki says, and when Thor furrows his brow he sits up, puts the ribbon over Thor's head, using it to tug him close. Thor allows it for a few moments before he pulls away.

"This doesn't fix anything. How involved were you in all of this?"

Loki looks away, and Thor grabs his chin, forces his head up. They stare at each other for a brief, endless moment. "Right," Thor says eventually. "I see."

"I'm sorry," Loki says. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Don't lie, hey." Thor lets him go to stand up. Loki wants to crawl after him, beg for forgiveness, but in the end he only shrugs aimlessly, and turns his back as Thor leaves the room, shutting the door silently behind him.

 

**The random opportunity:**

Mom and Dad have to go away for a week, some law enforcement seminar that Mom at least has been looking forward to for weeks, but she says, her fingers ghosting over Loki's bruises, "Perhaps I should stay."

"What, you don't trust me to be alone without parental supervision?"

"Loki, you know that's not true." It's entirely true: Loki wouldn't trust himself. "I know," she says haltingly, "it's been a difficult few months for you. But you're my son, and I will always worry."

Loki rises to his feet and forces a smile to his face. "Go," he says, kissing her on the cheek. "We do know how you enjoy the beaches down in Miami."

"Oh, but the little drinks with the umbrellas," she says dreamily.

The day they leave, Dad gives a flurry of instructions to Thor on how to behave, "No parties, no girls. Your poor mother still hasn't recovered from the last time we were away."

Loki's eating ice cream at the kitchen table. He ignores everyone until Dad says, "I expect you to be responsible for his behavior." Thor, wisely, doesn't respond, and ignores Loki's snort of disgust.

When the door snaps shut behind them, Loki calls out, "Did he give you permission to spank me should I misbehave?"

"He knows you enjoy that type of discipline," Thor says.

It's the first time they've been alone together in weeks where Thor hasn't immediately made an excuse to leave the room. They've fought before, but never for this long. It's unsettling, not being in Thor's good graces. Or being indulged by him. Like being turned away from the sun, or finding a hole inside yourself you hadn't been aware was being filled to begin with. He shouldn't find it so vexing, but he does.

Perhaps he will outgrow it someday.

Leah's not talking to him either, but in her case Loki decides it's because she's female, and they're prone to erratic and illogical behavior, and it's not possible to reason with someone like that.

Thor opens the freezer door. "There's no more ice cream," he says, his tone reflecting deep disappointment.

Loki hugs the tub to his chest protectively. "Mine," he says.

"But you don't even like chocolate that much."

"I'm enjoying it loads more now that I know you don't have any." He checks his watch. "Oh, and the stores are closed."

"We're grounded anyway."

"You cannot be serious." Thor uses his distraction to make a play for the ice cream. Loki dances away and shoves a giant spoonful in his mouth. "None for choo," he garbles. But Thor's not aiming for the tub, he's aiming for Loki's chin. Which he grabs and then forces his huge maw of a mouth on - "Ahhh."

When Loki finally wrenches himself away Thor beams at him, a bright, chocolate-smeared beam, and wipes his face with the back of his hand.

"That's disgusting," Loki says, entirely affronted.

"You should learn how to share."

"I had it first. Besides, there wasn't enough for two. Stop looking at me like that. I am very angry."

 

**An hour later:**

"The ice cream's melted," Loki says. "We seem to have made a mess." Thor mumbles something incoherent, throwing his arm across Loki's bare chest. Every part of Loki aches, but pleasantly. The stickiness isn't so pleasant though. "At least we should get off the couch. If any one shows up they'd be scandalized."

"Mhm."

Loki squeezes Thor's bicep idly. "Do you know what? We should have a party."

Thor finally seems to have regained his sense of speech. "Which part of 'behave yourselves' do you not understand?"

"Which part of 'they will be gone for a week' don't you?"

"No."

"Just a tiny party. A few close friends. More of a gathering, really."

"No," Thor repeats.

 

**Two hours later:**

"But you don't even enjoy the company of people."

"Yes, but." Loki makes his voice go small, "Everyone hates me. Maybe if we had a party."

"Since when do you care what everyone thinks?"

"Of course I care." The best lies are always closest to the truth. This one, Loki can't even convince himself is entirely made up. They should all be beneath him. Even Thor. Especially Thor.

And yet.

"Please, Thor."

Thor throws his hands up in the air, and just like that Loki's won. Loki crosses his arms as Thor drops his own. "A small one," he says grudgingly. "No games."

"Well I do enjoy Spin the Bottle -"

"Loki."

"You sound like a pitbull when you growl like that." Thor glowers threateningly. "No games," Loki says. "Trust me."

 

**The party:**

It starts with a girl in a red dress, sitting on the balcony and crying, and ends with three boys in the hospital by the time Thor has calmed down.

The truth is, the party had gotten out of hand almost even before it had started, for very many reasons that had nothing at all to do with Loki. One was that everyone knew Thor, and loved Thor. Two was that Thor knew and loved everyone back in return.

"Which part of 'we need to keep this small' do you not understand - your own words," Loki says, a scant few hours earlier, when Thor cheerfully invites a boy that Loki hadn't even known went to their school. "You're supposed to be an elitist and self-aggrandizing jerk, you know," he calls out, as Thor disappears into his bedroom to grab a shirt.

Thor pokes his head out from behind the door. "Sometimes it's as if you live in a world entirely made up in your head."

"Do try not to hit anyone, at least."

To recap: crying girl.

Loki kneels down next to her and she inches slightly away, tugging her skirt down over her knees. "Don't tell Thor," he says quietly.

"Don't tell me what," Thor says, appearing at the balcony door like a figment of some god's imagination, tall and imposing and his hair golden-haloed by the lights inside, gently waving in the breeze.

Loki puts his finger to his lips, but then he spots Sif, coming up to stand next to Thor. "On second thought," he says.

The gleam in Thor's eyes is unholy: righteous rage and determination and Loki pictures him as blunt, deadly instrument, boys shattering to irreparable pieces under the fury of his strike.

Which, as it turns out, isn't that far from what happens.

 

**The day after:**

The first thing Dad says is, "I see the two you of have set aside your differences." He doesn't sound pleased. Dad threatens to arrest Thor, but as always, it's an empty threat and he doesn't even bother coming back from his trip. Being faced with heavy disappointment isn't so bad over the phone when you can just put him on speaker and start the arduous process of cleaning up.

Loki picks up a shattered piece of glass. He can't tell if it's from the vase on the coffee table or the one next to the couch. Dad says, "Loki, stop putting me on speakerphone and get your brother on the line. Now."

A half-hour, Loki times it, from when Thor picks up the phone to when he finally hangs up, and at some point he starts banging his head, silently, against the nearest wall. Loki almost feels sorry for him. Almost, because Thor never cleans up his messes.

He holds up the two bags of trash he's accumulated and says, with as much scathing disdain as he can muster, "I'm going to go toss this out now, thanks."

Thor merely puts the receiver away from his ear and gives him a pitiful look.

Loki has never hated him more.

-

He comes into Thor's room when they're finally done, and kneels at the side of his bed.

"So that was certainly an experience. The hospital called, and Lieutenant Heimdall. But we can talk about that tomorrow."

"I'll tell them it was all me, when they return."

"No, the wanton violence, I'm pretty sure they already know it's always just you." He picks up Thor's hand in his own and puts his mouth over his bruised, bleeding knuckles. Thor hisses, but doesn't do more than watch Loki with sleepy, hooded eyes.

Loki lifts his head. "The mighty Thor," he murmurs. "Defender of the weak, savior to all that need saving."

"You're mocking me."

"Well, yes." He pauses. "Also, you broke my favorite mug."

"I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one."

"At least one of us had fun."

Thor's gaze darkens. "It's not about having fun."

"So you keep saying." Thor reaches for him, but Loki deftly avoids his grasp and scoots to the end of the bed. Thor grumbles, but gives up easily enough, or so Loki presumes, until he stops paying attention and Thor grabs the hood of his sweatshirt.

"Off," he says.

"Or?"

Thor just looks surprised, as if disobedience never occurred him. "Or," he says after a beat, "I rip it off you."

Loki tugs off the hood defiantly, and throws it at Thor. "It's ruined with blood anyway. Thank you once again." Thor merely laughs and makes a 'get on with it' motion. Loki takes his time before he climbs onto the bed, crawls up until he's hovering above Thor. His hoodie is still on Thor's chest. He pushes it aside. Thor, ever impatient, hooks his leg behind Loki's back and draws him down. Loki digs under Thor's arm, finds the spot and pinches hard, until Thor releases him.

"That hurt," he says, sounding much put upon.

"Shall I kiss it and make it better?"

"Yes." Loki kisses him on the lips instead, presses their mouths together chastely. He expects Thor to deepen it, but he brings his hand up to cup Loki's neck and nothing else, leaving Loki to open his mouth, encourage Thor to open his by biting down on the soft flesh of his lip. Thor lets him with a gasp, his hips jerking up as Loki fucks his mouth slowly, deliberately. _Come on, come on,_ but Thor won't take the bait, until it's Loki that's shimmying against him, desperate and needy.

He ends up riding Thor for what seems like hours, his fingers gripped against the headboard as Thor keeps his eyes closed, barely awake, hair fanning out against the pillow. He leans down eventually to whisper in Thor's ear, "You did good," to kiss his forehead, and eyes, and cheeks.

"Yeah?" Thor whispers against his lips.

"So good."

 

**The wildcard:**

Sif shows up the next day.

Loki peers at her. "Are you sure you want to see him, he hasn't quite calmed down yet."

Thor appears from the hallway and Sif says, "He looks pretty calm to me," but she's smiling at Loki, as if he amuses her somehow.

"He must be happy to see you," Loki says sourly, but by then she's lost interest in him because Thor has turned his smile, brilliant and beguiling, upon her.

They sit on the living room couch, and Loki found out years ago that if he cracks his door open just an inch and sits next to it, silent and still, he can hear all but the softest of conversations. What it is is mostly: boring, until at one point Thor mentions Loki and then Sif says, "Your brother," and Thor replies, and it's only because he knows every cadence in Thor's voice that he hears the faint tension in it when he says, "What about him."

Sif must be more perceptive than he originally gave her credit for, because she pauses and then says, "Nothing, just wondering where he was." Loki shuts the door without waiting for Thor's reply.

 

**The girl:**

"You didn't come to my party," he tells Leah, when he sees her again.

"It was your party," Leah says. "I believe that's explanation enough. Your face looks terrible."

Loki touches the tender flesh on his cheek. "Does it make me look dashing? Brave and warrior-like and all that?"

"No, it makes you look stupid. And like you lost a fight." She turns deliberately away from him. "Your brother's year is ruined. I hope you're happy, you got what you wanted."

"No-one will speak to me, my parents have grounded me for life and I'm pretty sure my locker's been glued shut. But yeah, other than that I'm perfect."

Leah shakes her head, her long dark hair swinging around her thin frame.

"Can we go for milkshakes? I could really use one right now."

She purses her lips, but says, finally, "Fine. But I'm not paying."

 

**The return to normalcy, whatever there is left of it:**

"But why," Thor asks. They're sitting in a secluded corner of the quad, Loki with his legs on the outside of the bench and his head against the table so he can look up at the sky. It looks like rain. Thor, remarkably, is studying, his hair hidden by the red hood of his jacket. "Well?"

"Because nothing ever changes," Loki says tiredly. "Life is high school, over and over again. Thor is beloved. Jane is perfect. Everyone else is less than and invisible. And I'm just - me. I can't even commit incest without it turning out to be a lie."

Thor's silent for the longest time, and when Loki glances at him he's got his pencil in his hand and he's just staring at Loki. "Are you saying," and he lowers his voice even though there's no one else around, "that this is some sort of social experiment to you?"

Loki can't keep his gaze for too long. He flicks his eyes back to the blank, uncaring grey of the sky. "You tell me," he says evenly.

Thor sighs, and Loki flinches at the sound of his book slamming shut violently. He reaches out a tentative hand though, curls it on the bench, palm facing up. Nothing, until warm fingers lace through his own, squeeze tight.


End file.
